Real Life

I recently read theses two statements:

You know you've grown when you're actually doing the things you tell others you do.

AND

Don't compare your every day "real" life to everyone else's social media highlight reel.

And it got me thinking...so thinking is leading to sharing. 
Haven't posted much in the past few months and then 2 posts in 2 days!
That's how I roll sometimes.

Anyways.

DO we only show the good stuff?
Do we choose, intentionally, to share only the highlights?
And if so, why? 
Is it to feel worthy?  Or to somehow fit in?  To feel important?  To be admired? 

Is it a control thing? 

Because what would people think if they saw the not so put together us? 
The one who struggles with depression, anxiety, fear, eating disorders, addicitions?
The one who lives paycheck to paycheck and has to stretch every little bit to make ends meet?
The one who is fighting desperately to make the relationships in their life work?
The one whose child is struggling with...
The one who was recently given a diagnosis they were not expecting...

Do we only post the good stuff because online we can control what people "see?"
And some how, if we can make it look good on the outside, then surely, we can work at getting it together on the inside.

And I know, social media is just that - social media.
And we have the option to post what we want. 
Or, not post at all, but jump on to get a glimpse into what others are posting.

But friends, people are watching us.
Much more than what they are listening to what we have to say.

And honestly, I am inspired when I get to see others full journey, not just the highlight reel that, more often than not, neglects to share the tough stuff. 
Because isn't the tough stuff the stuff we can relate to even more than we can the highlights?

For me, when I stopped to question my own self - I think I try to share it all. 
Keeping it real - it's much easier to share the good things.  The tough times puts us in a place of vulnerability and that's a tough pill to swallow. (and for those who know me well, I don't swallow pills well at all! ;) )

However, I believe the behind the scenes, the not so pretty days, are what truly makes us who we are. 
And I want to encourage you to share that.

And maybe you think social media isn't the place for that.
Maybe not - sometimes, many times, things are better left out of the social media trap. 
But don't be afraid to share it with your people.  To get real and honest and let them know how they can come alongside of you during the behind the scenes that you're just not ready to show everyone else. 

Friends, we are better together!!!
Don't get tangled up with comparison, but choose to recognize that we each have our "mess." And our "people" should be able to handle our mess.
Allow yourself to make connections with others, share not only your highlights, but your behind the scenes, too - and you never know who you may help along the journey.

Simply put, let's choose to just be kind to others. 
Because whether they share it or not, they aren't just living the highlight reel. 

xox,
Jenny

Find your People

I have, for the past few months, been in a place of simply quieting my soul.  
I haven't done as much "writing" as I have been jotting down thoughts and ideas...and spending a lot of time in prayer.  
I've been doing a lot of watching and listening.  That sounds creepy when I type it out, but you know what I mean...right?!

I so often have, in my mind, all these "good things" I want to share but was having difficulty once I sat down to actually make it make sense on paper.

I think, no - I know, that I have this tendency to want to be all things to all people.
The best wife.
The best mom.
The best daughter, sister, friend, employee, co-worker, etc.
The best blogger/writer of my thoughts! :)
And y'all.
It's exhausting.

And creates anxiety for me.
I'm recognizing that.

My sis always hooks me up with good reads at Christmas and this year she gifted me with Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist.  And it was JUST what I needed to read.  I felt that so much of it could have been me writing through different seasons and then other times finding myself absorbing every singe word.  It's a book about learning to say no, becoming brave enough to disappoint people, trusting your own voice, and simply understanding God's unconditional love for you.

If you haven't read it, I highly recommend you do so!

I want to share a chapter that just resonated with me, "Your Mess Is Mine":

Your Mess is Mine

I'm going to a friend's party this week - a party for her child, and that means her family will be there. She texted last night to say, "You know how my dad is sometimes, right? I feel worried about my dad at the party. I feel embarrassed."

And I texted back as quickly as I could, fingers tripping: "I get it. I get him. I love you. You don't have to worry about this with me, okay?"

We texted back and forth a little while, and then all night I was thinking about the exchange. I've known her, and therefore her family, for more than two decades. We've known each other longer than we've known our husbands. We've known each other since before we could drive.

But there's something so human about feeling embarrassed, about wanting to hide, about wanting to conceal and control the out-of-control and painful things about our lives and stories and families.

Love, though, doesn't allow hiding. Love invites whole selves and whole stories out into the light. Friendship sees into us, into our secrets, into our elaborate games and excuses. Friendship carries all this mess together, so that you don't have to hide, so that you carry it together. What a miracle!

So that friend and I carry some things for one another. She knows some of the more painful, shameful parts of my story. I know some of hers. In our little tribe we carry depression and addiction. We carry parents who drink and kids who struggle. We carry abortions and divorces and drug-using loved ones --- ones who used to use, who still do, who we've lost because of it. We carry eating disorders and suicide. One night, one friend whispers into our circle, "I don't believe in God anymore." And we carry that.

Because that's what friendship is. That's what is does.

This little tribe may look squeaky clean, maybe like the kind of people who have no problems, like the kind of people who've only ever been swimming in the shallow end. Life upends us all, and there's no sparkly exterior that can defend against disease and loss and cheating spouses. We carry depression and wounds and broken marriages. We carry addictions and diseases and scars and loss of faith. We carry it because that's what love is. That's what friendship is.

So I'll walk into her party, and I'll hug her tightly, and as I do, I'll say a prayer for her dad. I'll hug him, too, and maybe he'll be high or maybe not this time. With him, to be honest, I can't always tell.

And if you walked by the party, you might think, I'm not like them. I have secrets and problems and family members who embarrass me. I'm afraid, and our secrets are the bad kind. You'll see children running around and happy parents and you'll think you're not like them. But that's because you're not seeing what they carry. I see it, though, because they're my people. I see each of us who are carrying those heavy weights together, for one another, on behalf of one another. And it's the most beautiful thing I can think of.

We're all so much more similar than we are different. Our secrets are largely the same. Our fears are largely the same. Marriages crack, addictions take hold, families break, decisions are made that can never be reversed. No one is exempt.

My friend isn't alone. She won't be the only one at that party hoping that someone she loves pulls it together for a couple hours. She won't be the only one wishing her story was different, neater, simpler.

At some point in the party, I'll check in with another old friend --- I've been carrying his family's deception and betrayal and disease for decades. I'm honored to. And he carries the broken parts of my family's story, and my failures and regrets. Because that's what we do: we carry the mess together. Your mess is mine.

***Because that's what we do: we carry the mess together. Your mess is mine.***

Shewww...can anyone relate?!

This past week there have been several situations that have just been tough for friends of mine.  I sent a message to one of my girlfriends more or less saying we always hear of these unimaginable things happening, and for some reason, I think we have this thought process that it's just that - always someone else.  That it won't happen to us...or someone we know.  So when it does, it's just almost unbearable.  And my heart has physically ached this week.  

But then I got thinking...how fortunate we are that we have these people in our lives that when their world stops, ours does too.  That God has strategically placed these amazing people in our lives that we get to experience not only the highs, but the devastatingly lows, too.

God is like that, friends.

He brings people into our lives to help us to not only celebrate the good, but carry our mess at times.

In another book I recently read by Sharon Jaynes, she shares this:

Throughout scripture we see how God placed women together in relationships to encourage one another and provide a place of retreat.  Just as God sent Mary to Elizabeth and Ruth to Naomi, He continues to place women [together] for mutual support, accountability, and friendship.

Now this was obviously focused on women, but men - the same goes for you, too!!!

I'm so very thankful for the people that God has placed in my life...

I, too, refer to them as "my people" and seriously, have been blessed with the best.

Some I have had the pleasure of having in my life for many, many years...some more recent. 

I sat in a meeting surrounded with 5 other ladies this week; 2 of which are my friends and the other 3 we joked we were "social media friends."

After a couple of hours together, I truly consider them my friends.  And would go as far to say that I know they are going to be "my people!"  Each of us shared just a bit of our lives, our hearts with each other, and in doing so, opened the door for connection.

We are so much better together!

I shared with my hubby that night what a great time I had and just how I felt like I "fit in."

I think maybe we all long for this; having people you can "fit in" with...whether it be like your comfy cozy blanket that brings you security or that new outfit or hairstyle that gives you a boost of confidence.

I want to encourage you to find your people.

And love them well.

xox,

Jenny