On the other sides of the wall...

So, yesterday, I had to have a liver biopsy.

Fun times.
Minus the fun.

 
Left me first say - I'm totally ok!
Long story short, I've just had consistent abnormal liver function tests for the past year.  I've been on meds, I've been on vitamins and probiotics, I've even tried Plexus and ItWorks.  For those who don't know me well, my body just likes to work against me and I'm more than sure this is all it is.  However, since I'm not an alcohol consumer or drug abuser, and have no reason for these to be more than doubled what they should be, my physicians just wanted to get a better look at the actual tissue to see what is going on.

So biopsy it was!
And in all honesty, I made out fine.  Not a procedure I want to have to have again, but I would just consider it "uncomfortable."  The worst part for me was the actual numbing process.

Or the 5 minutes I thought I might meet Jesus!

Apparently, my liver spasm'd out on me about 30 minutes after my procedure when I was back in ORU.  I made out so well with the procedure (the radiologist said that the ladies told him I had a high pain tolerance and he said he'd have to agree :) ) I only had to stay an hour for observation...I felt totally fine, very tight in my chest/upper abdomen area, but they said that was normal...so I was just chilling and sipping on my ginger ale.  Phil had come back and we were passing time watching "Let's Make a Deal."  About 30 minutes into my hour, I looked at Phil and told him I was feeling something that just didn't feel right...but I didn't want him to say anything because I didn't want any pain meds.  Again, for those who don't know me well...Jenny doesn't do pain meds well.  At all.  But he grabbed the nurse and by that time, I said I was probably at a 5 and she said she really wanted to give me some meds and while I was trying to explain that I could probably wait, the pain skyrocketed to a 10+++, my heart rate went above 160 and my bp to 159/145.  Go figure, just 30 minutes til I could get out of there and my body decides to say, "Sike!!!  You need to stay longer."  Worst pain I've EVER experienced in my life!  The nurse called the radiologist because she wanted him to check on me and went to get the meds, which at that point I was agreeable to.  Another nurse came to check my bp and handed me a pillow to press against where I was having pain.  And I'm not kidding, just as fast as the pain came on, it subsided.  And I was fine.  My bp went back to normal and my heart rate to my normal.  I didn't want to take the meds, because I knew how I was going to feel on them...but they really wanted something in my system in case that happened again.

So, she kindly crushed the pill and put it in pudding for me.
Because I can't swallow pills.  (well, it's more like it's in my head, but well, you know....) 
These nurses were so good to me!

Side note:
I spent all day trying to get one (1) pain pill out of my system.
I felt nauseous.
I didn't feel right in my head.
I just wanted to sleep.

As I was being discharged (on time because I really was ok), one of the nurses who was caring for me was wheeling me out to Phil's truck and said, "I just want to say - You really handled that like a pro..."  Little did he know that I legit thought I might die for about 5 minutes.

But it's all good.
Phil got me home and I just rested all day!
And, really, I'm just a little sore where they actually pushed the needle through.  

I can't say enough good things about the care team in ORU and the ones with me during the procedure...I totally felt like I was being cared for by the best!

But this wasn't supposed to be about me...I just know people have been asking about what's going on, so I wanted to share so you can continue to pray that I get back GOOD results and something that can explain what's going on!

Once I was up and had something to eat last night, I got to thinking about something I observed during my time waiting yesterday and wanted to share...

The guy in the room to my left was apparently there to have his port removed. And you can't​ help but overhear conversations...So when the nurse that was assisting with his procedure came to get him and review what they would be doing, the patient said he wanted his port out because he was "done" with chemo and quite frankly just didn't want treatment anymore. But he was confident in his decision and in a happy mood. As the nurse started to move his stretcher, asking if he was warm enough/needed more blankets, the patient asked if he was going to end up in the basement today?! (Meaning the morgue) It took the nurse a few to understand what he was implying but then quickly said, "You mean the cold place? Well Sir, I certainly hope not!" And the patient laughed and said "I guess I don't need them then, huh..."

Meanwhile...The lady to my right was in a foul mood. They were obviously having a hard time getting her IV started...She was loud and kept insisting she knew her body better than them and wanted to tell them how to do the IV. She was a nurse and how dare they not listen to her. They brought in the IV queen (who is super sweet) and this patient kept with the negative attitude, insistent that new nurse wasn't going to get it either and she just wanted to go home. Within 5 minutes the nurse got the IV in with not a word of thanks from the patient.

I thought about both of them.. Not knowing either one of them and only getting a glimpse of their day, I could tell both of them had stories.

But you know what else I noticed...The guy to my left had someone with him. The lady to my right was alone. And I wondered if she was alone in general.

And I was reminded how we're better together!

Maybe if she had had someone there to simply be there, she would have been in a more pleasant mood.

Maybe not.

But I silently said a prayer that she feel comforted in the midst of whatever was going on.

Because here I was, a little anxious for the biopsy I was about to have, but confident in the fact I knew I was being covered in prayer...By so many!  (and let's just add in the fact that my hubby posted a not so lovely photo of me in a hospital gown, on a stretcher, waiting to get my iv started...that more people than I imagined saw...)
If nothing else, I knew I was being prayed for and I appreciated it so very much!!!

I say it all the time, but we need​ people in our lives, friends!!
We really are Better Together!

xox,
Jenny

The Reason for my "WHY"

**Guest Blogger: Kelsy Haugh**

I have known of Jesus my entire life.  I was introduced to the idea of Him at a very young age. I went to church every Sunday growing up, I attended Christian school for much of my life- I knew a lot about this Jesus guy. I knew a lot “about” Him. But I didn’t know Him.

This Sunday at church, my pastor spoke about “the why to your worship”.  Explaining that some people may look at our worship, our relationship with Jesus, and not understand it.  And that’s ok. They may have met Jesus in a different stage of their life, they may have fought through different battles, lived through different heart aches.  So their worship may look different than ours.  He went on to explain that we can fully love, fully serve, fully surrender, fully worship, when we understand the “why” behind our worship.

I have listened to that sermon three times since Sunday morning (and it’s Monday afternoon), each time replaying my life over and over in my mind, trying to establish exactly what the “why” is behind my worship.  And I think I’ve finally figured it out- I have several “why’s”. 

Let’s go back to me at a young, fragile, vulnerable, 21.  I was the mom to a three year old, I was a student finishing up my bachelor’s degree, and I was a brand new fiance to a guy that i was head over heels in love with.  My life was on the fast track to being exactly what I had envisioned that it would be.  I was having success in my personal life, in my love life, and in my mom life.  Life was good.  But shew, life can turn quick, can’t it??

I can vividly remember every single detail of the day that would flip my life completely upside down.
Every. Single. Detail.

I saw an incoming call from Daniel, I sat on the edge of my bed and answered the phone, expecting a “Hey, babe! How’s your day?”.  But the second he said “hello” I immediately knew that this was not a normal phone call.  He told me that he would be leaving at the beginning of the following week for a year long rehab.

Rehab?  Wait.  For what?  A YEAR??  What was happening?  What did this mean for Daniel?  What did this mean for me?  What did this mean for us?

The moments leading up to him actually leaving for rehab are somewhat a blur.  We cried.  We cried so many tears.  We talked about our plan, we talked about our future, we talked I was oblivious.  Clueless.  Naive.  All of it.

Daniel had been abusing prescription pain medicine for a year and I had no clue.
I had no clue the deep emotional hurt that haunted him every day of his life.  I had no clue what a tainted relationship with a parent can do to a person as an adult.  I had no clue what I was in for in that season, or what I was in for in the seasons to come in regards to addiction and mental health.  But what I did know, the only person who was going to help me get through that current season was the Jesus that I knew so much about, but had not yet been personally introduced to.

Daniel went to Teen Challenge for a year.  Over the course of the year we wrote letters on occasion, talked on the phone maybe ten times, and saw each other four times.  FOUR times in a year.  I journaled, I prayed (and prayed and prayed and prayed), I cried, I fasted, but most importantly - I found Jesus.  I found a Comforter, a Provider, an Abba Father.  I finally found the Jesus that I had learned so much about.  When I look back over that year of Daniel being gone, and all of our growth individually, as partners, and as Christians, all I can do is thank Jesus for His perfect peace that transcends all understanding.

So, when I roll down the windows in my van, lift my hands to Heaven, and sing: 
“Hold me, Jesus, I’m shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory, won’t you be my Prince of Peace.” 
I can truly sing those lyrics from a heart that understands.  A heart that understands needing a peace that only Jesus can bring.  A heart that understands that in true “rock bottom” moments,  Jesus is all that we have. 

Having lived that year of hell, I truly found a “why” for my worship.  

Fast forward a couple of years.  Dan and I were married.  We had two children at this point.  I had just started nursing school and Dan had become successful at his job.  The days of Teen Challenge and addiction seemed to be far behind us. We were moving on, and moving up.

Or so I thought.

Addiction and mental health may need to be their own post, because, shew! They are heavy topics! 
Addiction & Mental illness are real.  They are real in our community.  They are real in our schools.  They are real in our homes.  And they are real in our churches.  As christians I think we, far too often, shy away from these topics.  But they are real, yall!

And, unfortunately, they were real in my own home.  So much of my story is Daniel’s story, and so much of it is not my story to tell, but thank God he values transparency as much as I do. (Please know that he has read this and agrees to me sharing whatever is written here).

I remember the first time I saw “the other Daniel” come out.  I remember looking at him in the face and his eyes were glazed over.  He was looking at me, but he wasn’t looking at me.  He was not here with me, he was somewhere else.  And I was terrified.  He yelled, he screamed obscenities, he threw things.  He could not be reasoned with.  He could not be talked to. It’s almost like he wasn’t even there.  And then, as quickly as it started, it ended.  He cried.  I cried.  He apologized.  We talked about what had happened.  And we moved on.

Or so I thought.

I’d like to say that his apology was sincere, and that it never happened again.  But that would be a lie.  It actually got worse.  Way worse.  The “crazy”, the tears, the apology- a constant cycle that consumed our lives for several months.  In the midst of what I would consider the peak of Daniel’s battle with an addiction triggered mental illness (I totally made that diagnosis up), I found out that I was pregnant with our third child.

I was devastated. We could NOT bring another child into the world during that season.  I could barely stay afloat with my other responsibilities and struggles.  I had no clue what the future looked like for Daniel and I.  For my family.  We were in NO place to have another child.

So I did the most selfish thing that I could possibly do, that I convinced myself in my mind was the most unselfish thing that I could do.  I pushed down all of my emotions, all of my fears, all of my guilt, and I walked myself into Planned Parenthood with every intention of terminating my pregnancy.  “This is the best option for this child, and for your family”, “you cannot have any more children with this man”- these are the thoughts that I allowed myself to entertain, in hopes of justifying what could have been the worst decision that I have ever made.

I sat in that cold, dark place all by myself.
I cried.
I prayed.
I reasoned with Jesus as He softly and gently put Bible verses in my heart.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  

Psalm 139: 13-14  

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

 2 Corinthians 12:8

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future.”  

Jeremiah 29:11

The days following that day were dark, and lonely, and cold. And filled with so many details that I am not fully ready to disclose in this blog.
BUT my Jesus is so faithful.  He was faithful in my pregnancy - My sweet Carrigan Juliet was born 8 months later.  She was the most beautiful baby that my eyes had ever seen (tied with her older sister and brother of course).

And he was faithful in my marriage.  We are so far from perfect, still.  But I have learned so much about mental illness, and the role that I play in it.  And Dan has worked so hard on himself.  Therapy, medicine, and a whole lot of prayer - sometimes I think I am married to a totally different man.

As I sit at my kitchen table, writing out a season of my life that is still SO raw to me, I can truly say that I have experienced the faithfulness of Jesus.  I know it.  I understand it.  I get it.  I have lived it.  And because of that, as the lyrics, “There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain” come blaring from my Pandora, I can authentically worship.  Hands raised, tears streaming, worship.

Having lived that season of despair, I found another “why” for my worship.

Everyone has their “person”.  Someone they jive with immediately.  A relationship that takes zero effort.  No awkward silences.  No weird phases.  Just easy, natural, immediate bonding.

My person was Tiffany.
She was my confidant.  She was my protector.  She was my favorite friend.
She was my person. 

Earlier this year Tiffany died.
Out of nowhere.
She wasn’t dying.  She wasn’t sick.  She wasn’t supposed to die.
She went to the emergency room in the morning and was dead by that night.
My earth shook.  My world stopped spinning.  Heartbroken really doesn’t even touch it.  I spent countless hours in tears.
Why?  Why her?  Why now?
She has young kids.  She has a husband.  She has an entire life ahead of her.
This isn’t fair!

A few months after Tiffany’s death my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
Really, God?  Are we doing this right now?  This is cute.  I’m still spending half of my day crying and praying over my lost friend, and now is when you want to throw this cancer diagnosis at me?  Great.  Thanks.  Appreciate it.

The next couple months were filled with tests, scans, further diagnoses, hospitalizations, complications, treatments, and a whole lot of prayers.

And where was I during all of this?  Well, I was there with my mom - partly.  But partly I was sulking in a corner feeling bad for myself.  2016 was not shaping up to be a good year for me, and I wanted Jesus to know exactly how I felt about it.  I enjoyed a couple weeks of self-pity, thinking that I truly had it harder than anyone else around me.  Convincing myself that I was on a direct path to a huge blessing - because surely I deserved it after the year I’d had!

I remember driving around Salisbury, crying out to Jesus to show Himself to me, when this song came on the radio,

“I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind
I try to keep you safely in between the lines
I try to put you in the box that i’ve designed
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye
When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the King of the world
How could I make you so small
When you’re the one who holds it all
When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the world?”

And as I belted out these lyrics, truly believing them, and truly trusting Jesus to continue to be the King of my world, I realized that is exactly what genuine worship is.

Having lived through those moments of grief, I found another “why” for my worship.  

This whole post may seem kind of terrible, and dark, and sad. But yall, I have lived through SO many blessings.  I have experienced so much joy, so much triumph, so much happiness.  I step back and look at my life and think, “Thank you, Jesus!” - more times than I can count. 
Jesus has been SO good to me, and I am SO grateful.

I have a husband who loves me. He supports me in every decision that I make and truly is my biggest fan.  He is dedicated to our family, and continues to prove daily that he is willing to do whatever he has to do to be healthy for us.  I have three beautiful children.  And while they are all beautiful on the outside, too (I may be a tad biased, though), they are beautiful on the inside.  They are caring, they are compassionate, and they love Jesus.  And I am SO thankful that they are mine.  I have a family who means everything to me.  I have such a beautiful tribe.  Friends that support me in my victories, and encourage me in my weak moments.  Friends that lift me up, but are willing to call me out on my crap.  Jesus hand-picked them for me, and they are the best!  I have a career that I genuinely enjoy, with people that are like my family.

I could go on for days on the ways that Jesus has blessed my life.  But when I step back and truly look at these past twenty-eight years, the thing that I am most grateful for is that I have personally met Jesus.  I know Him intimately and personally.  I have a day-in and day-out relationship with Him.  I no longer just know about Him.  I know Him.  I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  I know that He was the same Jesus when my life was crumbling, as He is when my life is sailing.  He is near in my dark moments, and He is near in my greatest joys.  He is fighting for me.  He is loving me.  He is delighting in me.  Always.

So, as I sit here reflecting on my life; my year of hell, my season of despair, my moments of grief, and my times of pure joy, I can sing these lyrics and mean them.

“What a beautiful name it is
What a beautiful name it is
The name of Jesus Christ my King
What a beautiful name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful name it is
The name of Jesus”  

 

Having lived a life full of so much joy, I have personally found yet another “why” to my worship.  

I don’t know what your life looks like.  I don’t know your story.  Your ups, your downs, your highs, your lows.  But what I do know is that when life is rough, and times are hard, and you meet Jesus in a real way - then, and only then, will you find the “why” behind your worship.

And your life will be forever changed.

 

 

Whose Got You?

"You don't need someone who has your back, you need someone who has your front.  Someone willing to go ahead of you and fight for you." -Lisa Wilgus

I heard this quote just last week and immediately thought to myself, "Now that's a good word right there."

And I've been thinking about it all week.
Like really thinking about it.

And I've come to this conclusion:

As a woman, especially, I think you need both.
For the men who read this...I'm definitely not excluding you, but I just know there's something special about lady friendships!

Someone who has your front.
Someone willing to go ahead of you and fight for you.

This instantly took me back to my school days...
Let me introduce you to my friend, Tanchanika.

Tan and I grew up in the same little town and went to school together; Kindergarten to Graduation!  And if there is one thing I am confident of, even to this day, it's that Tan had my front.
I was as small as she was big.
I often wonder if maybe that's what connected us?!
Because, no doubt, Tan and I had a bond.
We still do.  (Although now just connected via Facebook)

But for real, Tan had my front.
I think she took it as her personal mission to be my bodyguard.
She wouldn't (and didn't) let anyone pick on me because of my size.

Ever.

And I don't even know if she knew, but on the opposite side, I had hers.
As I said, I was as small as she was big...and where I couldn't beat anyone up on her behalf, I would surely make it known that she was more than "her size."

But I gotta give a shout out to my girl because she is even better today than 20 + years ago in school.  She is taking care of herself and looking fabulous!

We've both had a lot of haters over our years.
I still struggle with why people have to be so cruel when it comes to body size/image.
But, can I tell you how it felt as a child, tween, teen to know this girl had my front?

Well, there really aren't words.
It's just an amazing feeling, that's for sure.
We need people in our life willing to go ahead of us.

Think about it...
Do you have those kind of people in your life?
Are you that kind of person for someone in your life?

Because if not, maybe you can have their back.

Someone who is there to help carry the load when things just become too much.

And let's just be honest...I think there comes a time in each of our lives when things can just seem a bit overwhelming, right?!
And those are the times we need people who have our back.

Those friends who walk in when it seems like everyone else is walking out.
Those friends who take off what they can of the load you are carrying and let you know they are going to walk with you...they aren't going to let it weigh you down.

I actually would consider myself to have a lot of "friends."  And  I think that's because I've always been able to get in where I fit in with a variety of crowds.  But if I'm being honest, when I think about the ones who have my back, those who say it and mean it, well those are my "people" ... if you know what I mean... and I can probably count those on these small hands of mine.

And I'm ok with this.

Because these are the friends I can simply text and say please pray for me today.
Those friends I can bare it all to and they listen, simply listen.
My confidants.

I think when you're going through those tough times in your life, it's then that you will find who has your back!

Here's the deal - some people aren't going to stay in your life forever.  And this is often a hard lesson to learn.  But what I've learned over the years is that you will always have the people you need in your life.


Maybe, like me, when stopping to really think about this, you're already thinking about these people who have your front or back...or maybe, like me, you're even finding that you have some extra special people in your life who have BOTH!

Many times that's your family. Your brothers and/or sisters.  Or your girlfriend or boyfriend.  Your spouse. Your best friend.  Maybe it's your neighbor, a coworker, a teacher, or even a coach.

Do yourself a favor - when these people come to your mind right now, take a minute to thank them for being such an important part of your life.  A quick text or phone call.  An email or note in the mail.  I promise, it'll mean more than you know to the one on the receiving end!

And, if you're that person for someone - make sure to remind them from time to time that they have a friend in you...that you've got their front... that you've got their back!

And because I'm me...I do want to remind those reading who are maybe feeling like they don't have anyone who has their front or back - that you do!!!  God has BOTH! I want to remind you that there is not a place you have been or are going that He hasn't already been.  Remember that!  We are never alone, no matter the journey!

Friends, we are SO much better together!

xox,
Jenny

Making Non-traditional, Traditional

I am so excited to share this guest post from my friend, Kelsy Haugh,  (To find out more about Kelsy, please check out the previous post on Bundle of Twigs Facebook Page!)

I mentioned in our last guest post, as I'm approaching a year with this blog and Facebook page,I have been thinking about ways to take this to the next level - and in my heart, knew that meant stepping out of my comfort zone some...to share with someone, other than my hubby and closest friends, my thoughts and dreams and visions about Bundle of Twigs, but more importantly, trust them with the words they would essentially be sharing with each of you.  

Kelsy is one person that came to my mind immediately!  And, to be totally transparent, I hesitated to reach out to her because 1) she's a super busy lady, and 2) she self admits that she's not a people person/one who's good with emotions and such.  Total opposite of the thought behind Bundle of Twigs - being stronger TOGETHER! 

However, she kept coming to mind because, friends...she has so much good stuff to share!  On marriage... children ... finances ...just real deal LIFE!


She's the real deal. 

I simply asked...totally being ready to accept her say, "Ummm....you've lost your mind, Jenny."  But here we are.  The first post of, what I hope to be, many!

**********

Get married, they said. Live a long life of morning cuddles and dinner dates, they said. Spend your days staring lovingly into this perfect person’s eyes, they said.

Who are “they”?? And are “they” crazy??

Let me preface this with a truth: I LOVE my husband. I Love being married to him.
Let me follow that up with another truth: That love does not always come easy, and that love is nothing like I envisioned before I married him.

My husband is in sales and he works five day shifts a week. Very long day shifts, might I add. He leaves the house around 7:30a.m and gets home around 8:00pm. That’s a long day, y'all! To top it off he works every weekend.
I am a nurse and I work night shift. Work from 7p-7a, sleep all day. Add my long nights to my husband’s long days, and well, yeah, we don’t see each other very much.

I go through phases with this life. I tend to be run very heavily on emotion and hormones (crazy, right?). Sometimes I just love the nontraditional style of our marriage, I think things like, “we’ve got this figured out, this is perfect for us!”, “I could not imagine sharing a traditional Mon-Fri 9-5 schedule with my husband!”, “This limited time together is the way to go!”.   And then the flip switches.  Dan gets home extra late, the kids scream extra loud- for extra long, the dog eats an entire trash bag full of last nights dinner, and i think, “I HATE THIS! I just want a “normal” marriage. With a “normal” schedule. And a “normal” amount of time with my husband!”

I found myself in one of the latter moods recently. It was a Saturday, I was perusing the racks at our new H&M (which has me swooning, by the way), and I looked around. All of the people around me in the store were couples. Husbands, wives, kids. Together. This is a foreign concept to me. In our eight (or is it nine?) years together I can count on one hand the number of weekends that Dan and I have spent together with our children. That’s not us. That’s not our life. We don’t have weekends off. Heck, its a serious planning process just to be able to do anything together all five of us.  As I looked around at these families I instantly felt my worst enemy creeping up on me. I felt my entire mood change. I felt my care-free spirit leaving, being replaced by the dark cloud of comparison. “Must be nice!”, I thought. “Spending an entire Saturday as a family. Shopping together. Being together. Enjoying each other’s company. Hmph! Must be nice!” And I truly had a miniature, three year old-like, internal temper tantrum in the middle of the store. “These people have no clue how easy they have it! I should just walk up to them and let them know how lucky they are!” (Thank God I did NOT actually do that!-Shew!) I did, however, end up leaving the store in a huff, sulking in the pity party that I had created for myself.

I left the mall and headed to pick my youngest two babies up from daycare. As I pulled into the hospital my phone went off. I looked down and saw, “Thanks for all you do, babe!”.  A text from my husband. He had no clue what had gone on in the store. He didn't know that I was still enjoying my own personal pity party. He wasn't aware that I was pouting over the injustice that is my life (sarcasm). He had no clue. But what he did know was that I love feeling appreciated. He knows that my love tank can go from empty to full with one simple text. He knows that I like for my efforts to keep this family floating and functioning to be noticed. He knows that I would look at that text and smile. He knows me.

I’d like to blame the tears that began to fall down my face on the fact that I am 33 weeks pregnant and extremely hormonal and emotional. But deep down I know that is untrue. Those tears fell because Jesus had me right where he wanted me. He had me stop, in a moment of pity and comparison, and notice the blessings around me. He had me read a text message that would change the course of my day- and possibly even the course of my marriage. He had me saying, “Thank you, Jesus, for this man. And for this marriage.”

It's so nontraditional. It's so hard. It's nothing like the movies. Very rarely do we get to enjoy morning cuddles or dinner dates. I never really have the time to stare lovingly into my husbands eyes (not totally sure that I would want to anyway). My pre-marriage ideas are nothing like what my real marriage is.

But you know what I am learning? I am learning that this is ok. This is the marriage that Jesus has blessed me with. This is the man that I was given. This is my life mate. This is my partner. And hes a pretty darn good one!

My goal for the remainder of 2017 is to embrace my marriage. To stop looking at, and comparing to, the more traditional marriages and envying them. To stop letting myself wallow in the amount of time that i spend by myself. But instead looking to the One who gave me this marriage, who gave me this life-mate, and start thanking Him. Because Dan may not be perfect,and neither may my marriage, but they are perfect for me. And I am grateful.

Balancing the Glitter

 

I got thinking about this earlier in the week.
And simply wanted to share a few thoughts.

It's all about finding the calm in the chaos sometimes.

I found these words hitting home.
Sometimes, to others, I often feel like our lives (well, not mine specifically, but in general, you know...) "look" like masterpieces from the outside.

Like really, there are some people who think you've got your life together; a masterpiece on display.
A beautiful home, the perfect job, the hubby, the kids, the pets, the vacations, the clothes, the cars, etc. 

And, meanwhile, on the inside, you are simply feeling like a work in progress. 
An artist steady painting the canvas, but nothing of masterpiece quality to show for it.

And guess what?!?
It's totally ok.


**side note: my daughters helped me out with the visual - they were super excited!**

We have this clear picture of what life should be:

Free of clutter and chaos.
Until...

You have "stuff" come in a start to take over.
A hubby, a house, a job, a child, bills...you get the picture.
One by one, the "stuff" starts filling up your "clear" picture.
And then all of the sudden life gets flipped-turned upside down.
(show of hands here...how many just sang the song from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?!?)

And then you have stuff everywhere...
Maybe a mass chaos to you on the inside, but still a beautiful picture from the outside.

And sometimes, you just need to sit.
Sometimes I think we need to take a look at all the chaos and simply know that it's not going to last forever.
We need to sit and enjoy the change it does bring.

Before you realize it, the calmness will return, but maybe not before life gets shaken up again.


There will be times when we need to pull others in to help us get through the times when life just continues to add chaos.  We need people in our lives to remind us to look at these times like pieces of glitter, simply making our masterpiece one of a kind!  Sometimes, that might mean coming alongside a friend and just being with them, together, as the glitter settles and the chaos finds balance again.

No matter what - there is still beauty inside out.
It's ok to be a work in progress because your masterpiece is always going to be one of a kind!


xox,
Jenny