Remembering Pop...

There are many firsts that Phil and I have experienced together over the years.

On Sunday, September 18, we added losing a parent to that list.
And although we knew this day was coming, it sure doesn't make it any easier. 

My father in law, Harry Harsin, proved to be truly one of the strongest men I think I will ever know. His determination and "You just do what you gotta do" mentality, taking each day as it came...I have so much admiration for him. For my whole Harsin family. 

Pop got his miracle, just not this side of heaven. And while my heart is so happy for him, it's breaking for the ones left behind.

As I had time to sit and reflect over the past (almost) two years that my father in law fought this nasty disease we call cancer, this came to mind. 

I know we all are going to die, and truly cannot do anything about that, but it's true, we can do something about the width and depth of our lives.

Width - the quality of covering or accepting a broad range of things; scope.

Depth - intensity of emotion, usually considered as a laudable quality.

My brother in law posted about how Pop never once complained thru his suffering and how he's brought family back together again.
It's so true. I saw it first-hand. 

I've hated, absolutely hated that he was given this journey. 
I will never understand. 
And very much wished he received healing this side of heaven. 
But I can say I have seen God work in the midst of it all. 

Cancer just sucks.

I mean, there really isn't any better way to put it.

It literally sucked the life away from Pop.  

And as always, it's easy to question WHY?  

Why a man who was following the doctors orders, routine checkups and colonoscopies...is told you not only have colon cancer but cancer already metastatic to your liver.

A man who was otherwise healthy, out and about, golfing multiple times a week.

A man who had a wife, children and grandchildren who weren't ready for him to go.

So, instead of asking why this happened to him, to our family,  I'm working on "what" this is teaching us. 

It's taught us that time is precious.  My hubby, Phil, and his dad actually reconnected this summer.  And I will forever be thankful for the time they had together.  My hope is that they would serve as a reminder to get things right, simply communicate...because more often than not, the time you spend apart could very well be based on simply not knowing the "whole" story.

Make it a point to pick up the phone and call your family.  Send them a quick text.  Give them a shout out on Facebook.  Send a lettter in the mail.   Or flowers.  Or just spend a little time together.  And I encourage you to do this weekly!!! 

I can tell you that one day you will wish you did more.
I say this because Phil has said so many times over the past week that he really does have good memories of his dad...he just wished he had more. 

But, like the Priest at his service said...Now isn't the time for regrets.  Now is the time for remembering the times you DID have. 

I can tell you that I saw love at its best...on many occasions.
I think that when you know death may come sooner than later, you tend to live life differently.
I have learned that those "I do's" were put to the test and Rita stayed true in sickness and in health.

And let me just talk about Rita for a minute.
This woman loved my father in law.  Loves, would be more accurate.
It was last week that I saw the picture above for the first time (along with many others) and I just love it!

Don't get me wrong, what those with cancer have to endure with treatments and its effects is simply horrendous at times, but we often forget that the care giver, more often than not the spouse, is going through it all right with them. 
No, not physically, but emotionally and mentally.
They have to continue to be the strong ones when sometimes they are simply falling to pieces on the inside.  They have so many roles...on top of normal day to day tasks, they are the ones who are making sure appointments are attended, and often multiple ones at that...keeping track of medications, and helping with meals, and driving, and simply just making sure their loved ones needs are met.  They truly become part of the cancer care team as a whole. 

I told Rita that I truly appreciated her being that, and more, for Pop. 
It takes true strength to care for and watch your love succumb to such a nasty disease.  
I'm here to tell you that Pop knew he was in good hands...with his physicians and at home!
I'm thankful for Rita and the love and care she poured out during such a difficult journey.

The days and weeks ahead are going to be a huge adjustment for her, but I'm confident our family and her amazing friends will continue to see her through.

And about her amazing friends...can I just say WOW!?!

The few days that we were in Florida I saw friendship at its best!
Rita's friends and neighbors (who are also friends) are just simply wonderful!  I mean one came from New Jersey to simply be with her last week.  And then the night the whole family got in, they fed us all!  And it was delicious!

They were there to laugh with and share memories, but also to cry with and simply be.
Friends...we're better together. 
I sat around their house that night, just taking it all in.  
Thankful for this family and the friends gathered together.

This was the sunrise the morning of Pop's service...it was also the first day of fall.  And I was reminded that we are in a time of change.  And sometimes change can be hard.  And sometimes death is hard.

Are we all happy Pop isn't suffering anymore?
Absolutely!
Does it make it any easier that he's no longer with us?
Absolutely not!

But, like fall, death has come.  And it's going to take a while, a few seasons, for everyone to start to see the beauty that getting through this season brings.  When we'll start seeing life through the legacy Pop has left behind.  I think I've shared this before, but even in the Psalms we are reminded that we "walk thru the valley of the shadow of death" - I don't think there will be anything quick or easy about these next seasons, but we do know that we will not walk it alone.  

At Pop's service, it started with the military honors and let me just say there was not a dry eye in that chapel.   Once the flag was opened and the Taps started, there was just a still silence that overcame the room.  We were then moved into the larger area of the church because so many people came to show their respects.  One of Pop's friends spoke and it was just such a good mixture of "who" Pop was and what he did, but more importantly, the kind of man he was.  He reminded us that my father in law was simply a good man.  One who could be chatting it up with the grounds crew on the golf course one minute and then the next, sitting with the elite having a drink and talking about the game.  He didn't care who you were or what your status was - he was the same to all!  

One week to the day of Pop passing away, Arnold Palmer did, too.  Mr. Palmer was one of the "elite" my father in law knew.  When we heard the news of his passing, Phil said, "Well...I bet they are playing one heck of a game together today!" 

I learned, or more so am reminded, that is really is all about family!  We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all!

My Harsin family is a family who can go years without "all" being together and still pick right back up where they left off.  In the 13 years I've been a part of the family, that's how it's been!  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  But I think everyone would agree that despite the circumstances, it was amazing to have everyone, the WHOLE family, together for a few days.  

They ARE better together!
 And what an amazing family they are! 

There were several times over the course of our few days with everyone that I couldn't help but think that Pop would be in his glory with everyone there.  The laughter, the joking, the food, the drinks...the love!  It taught me that THIS needs to happen more.  And not just on occasions that make you have to come together.  But the coming together just because!

There's so much more I could say, but more than anything I am just so proud of my father in law. He taught me that even if you have cancer, cancer doesn't have to have you.  YOU can still choose your attitude!  For almost two years, he continued to fight, never complaining, and lived life!  
I'm proud of how he was determined cancer wouldn't win. 
And I'm here to tell you I don't think it did.

I believe love won.

I believe he was at peace and happy with the legacy he is leaving behind.
I believe he heard every word that was spoken to him before he took his final breath.
I believe he knew he was loved and prayed for.

Be like Pop Harsin.
Live a life with width and depth.

Until we meet again...xox

Holding on tight and letting go...

I read a quote a long time ago that has always stuck with me...

"When my hands are holding on tight to something, they are neither open to give or to receive."

Take a minute to think about that.
What is it that you allow yourself to hold on to?

I had a massage, the first one I've had in years, yesterday...and oh my goodness, just what I needed!
But more than anything, I think I needed the quiet.  
Time to simply think and pray.  
Time for my head to be filled with all kinds of stuff I somehow want to share.

As Jamie was working on me, I couldn't help but think that these knots (and there are so many) are holding on tight to my muscles.  They did NOT want to let go.  And the end result is the pain I've been experiencing from them.  

Jamie was able to loosen them up (and let me just tell you if you haven't had a massage, it's a must - spoil yourself...and try the cupping....it felt so good!) BUT it's going to take time for them to truly let go...
Why?
Because these didn't happen overnight.

I'm good at being "good."  You know, holding it all together when everything seems to be falling to pieces.  As I shared on here, these past few months have just been one thing after another.  And yes, I truly am "good" but the effects of all the stress has unfortunately taken it out on my body.  And it's time for my body to learn to release it all.

I started the process this past week.
God was really working on me if I'm being honest.  I was allowing some situations and circumstances to fog my mind and heart.  

And I was reminded that we are called to be like Jesus.  
Love like Jesus. 
Forgive like Jesus.

And I knew I wasn't.

Just keeping it real friends.

I "thought" I had but was still holding on tight to some things that when triggered, just didn't put me in a good place. 
One knot...then another...then another...you get the idea.

I decided to let it go.

I was so worried about my thoughts or my opinions being heard, I forgot that the example I was setting was even greater.  I even posted this on my Facebook:

 

This is something I'm working on my own self. My husband is quick to remind me that in the end, will my opinion matter anyway? 

When we're hurt - our initial response is maybe we want others to hurt, too.
When we're angry - we need someone to be on the receiving end.
When we're sad - maybe we want someone to blame.
The list could continue...

I'm working diligently on choosing to love like Jesus loves. 
On not giving up on people when they fail us.

Messy people and all. 

I'm letting go of past hurts and failures. 
Forgiving. 
Praying.
And trusting in the One who sees our hearts when others are looking for everything but.

Because, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes.

I'm thankful for a God who loves us just the way we are but refuses to leave us that way... He wants us to be like Jesus.

Let's be an example of Him!

And that's truly where I am at right now. 

I'm learning that instead of holding on to the things that in the end truly don't even matter, I'm going to let them go.
And I'm going to hold on even tighter to the things that do matter.  
The things that, when placed in my hands, allow me to give and to receive.
To set and be the example I want to be.

My faith.
My family.
My friends.

I've recently started reading a new book, Without Rival, by Lisa Bevere and I'm just on chapter 3 because there is SO much good stuff to take in.  I was even joking with a friend that I feel like I'm back in elementary school just reading one chapter a night because I want to be able to soak it all in.

Last night's chapter's highlight reminded me that I'm right where I need to be.
I'm allowing God to use the good and the bad and hoping that some how through my writing, I'm able to help someone else along the journey.
It's about experiencing it ALL with the One who never lets us go.

You know I always want to connect these posts to us being better together and I want you to remember this.  We have a God who sits with us on the mountain tops and walks with us through the valleys.  Because He knows we cannot go at it alone.  But you have to have the experiences yourself.  Allow Him to let you see things through His eyes for a minute.

Let these words from Lisa Bevere sink in:

If our eyesight cannot even process the appearance of our God, then how could we do more than assemble a stick figure of his wonder? Our words will fail us and we will echo the words of Job after God shows up in a whirlwind of marvel:

I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all first-hand - from my own eyes and ears! I'm sorry - forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor. (Job 42:5-6/The Message)

This revelation of God awakened a hunger for more in Job. Far too many of us are satisfied with a revelation of God that is best described as "crusts and crumbs." We are content to listen to sermons, tune in to podcasts, issue "likes" on Facebook or Instagram posts, and retweet the leftovers of another person's banquet. There is nothing wrong with any of these, but in comparison to the feast God has for you, they are but crusts and crumbs...

... There is a vast difference between talking about God and listening to a God who talks to you. 

Take time to listen.
And then, if needed, take time to let go.
But hold tight to Him no matter what! 
He doesn't want us to just have the crusts and crumbs...He wants us to have the feast!

Still Waters Run Deep

I went to this little beach off the Nanticoke River tonight to just have some quiet time and watch the sun set.  It's not the ocean, but it's still so peaceful and always offers a gorgeous view.

Tonight was no different.


But I was surprised at how still and calm the water was.  
And it reminded me of that saying, "Still waters run deep..."

When I looked up what the saying actually means, this is what I find:

- a proverb of Latin origin now commonly taken to mean that a placid exterior hides a passionate or subtle nature
- quiet people are often very thoughtful
- a person's calm exterior often conceals great depths of character, just as the deepest streams can have the smoothest surfaces.

You know, I like that last one; a person's calm exterior often conceals great depths of character, just as the deepest streams can have the smoothest surfaces. 

Sometimes, the surface can look so calm...but there can be so much stuff still going on underneath that no one can see.  "Stuff" that is helping build character and probably take us to depths we never thought we could reach.   


Kind of like this river tonight.


Much different than the ocean - always in constant motion - continuing to hit the shores and letting it go before receding back out to bring the next wave in.

But whether it be still waters or the constant movement of the ocean - the water can be refreshing, cleansing, healing. 

Isaiah 43:2 reminds us, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."

I needed that reminder tonight.  

In one of my devotions this week, I kept being brought to this - 

...when you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes...you see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and "coincidences"...

You know, I've said it many times and even more so over the past few months...but I truly don't know where I'd be without Jesus in my life.
These "things" we go thru in life - they will pass.
God. Well, He remains present. At all times!


Whether we are in the midst of still waters or not, we have a God who is always with us.  And if you truly take the time to look around, He's placed others in your path who will pass through these waters with you.  


And He WILL place people in your life...friends, family, co-workers, sometimes even strangers...It's definitely not coincidence...it's God, reminding you He's got your back.

Because, my friends...we are better together!